Subject: From Grantland....
From: "Eric Schwerin" <[email-masked]>
To: "Hunter Biden" <[email-masked]>
Date: Sat, 15 Nov 2014 13:05:33 -0500

Q: After watching Carrie on Homeland for 4 seasons, I am convinced her “sleep with the suspect” is a “Sky Hook” level signature move. With both Brody and the Pakistani kid, didn’t she make it look effortless?
—Kevin, Littleton, CO

BS: She’s the craziest character in the history of television. It’s like Showtime took Glenn Close’s character from Fatal Attraction, stuck her in the CIA and hid her meds. She nearly drowned her baby in the bathtub during the first episode this season and it didn’t crack the top five craziest things that Carrie From Homeland has done. And yes, I can make fun of her, because she’s a fictional TV character and I’m pretty sure there aren’t any real-life mentally ill people who continued to gain power at the CIA even after they ran off with a terrorist who tried to blow up the vice-president. Anyway, I wish SNL would do a sketch in which Carrie Matheson became an NFL sideline reporter.

Carrie: I’m here with Mike Tomlin — what do you guys need to change in the second half?

Tomlin: We gotta get rid of these turnovers, we’re really hurting ourselves right now.

Carrie: And if you want to know the truth, you’re also hurting me.

Tomlin: What do you mean?

Carrie: You know what I mean.

Tomlin: I don’t … we’ve never met.

Carrie (makes crazy Carrie face): We’ve never met. (Laughs crazily.) We’ve never MET? We met at the Super Bowl three years ago!

Tomlin: What?

Carrie: In Rita Benson’s suite … we walked by each other, you said hi, I said hi back.

Tomlin: I mean, I don’t remember.

(Carrie moves closer and starts flirting with him.)

Carrie: I totally remember.

Tomlin: I have to go to the locker room.

Carrie: Fine, go!

(Carrie starts sobbing and whips the microphone down.)

Eric D. Schwerin
Rosemont Seneca Partners, LLC
1010 Wisconsin Ave., NW
Suite 705
Washington, DC 20007
(202) 333-1880
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