Subject: We met through Beau in London years ago
From: "Tad Safran" <[email-masked]>
To: <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 4 Jun 2015 17:16:00 +0000

Hunter

We met years ago when you
and Beau were in England.  You came out
to my parents’ house in the countryside where you drank a lot of Pimm’s and
both of you charmed the pants off a lot of very posh English people.

I hope you don’t mind my
writing to you directly, but your email address was included in a chain between
Castle brothers.  I’m working on the
assumption that you’ll forgive the intrusion because you can’t hear from too
many people who knew and loved Beau and whose lives were touched by him.

I really wanted to write to
his children because that is truly where the tragedy lies.  Would you be able to get the following to
them and Beau’s wife please?  I’m sorry I
won’t be able to be at the service this weekend.  But I will be at Penn’s homecoming for
whatever dedication is done then.  My
thoughts are with you and your family in this sad and quite cruel time.

 

Dear Natalie and Hunter

I was an undergraduate at
Penn with your dad.  We were the same
year and pledged the same fraternity.  So
I spent quite a lot of time with him in four years.  I’m writing to you because, over the course
of your lives, I think you’ll ask the question “what was my dad like?” a
lot.  And as many different personal view
points as possible will help you understand the sort of man your father was.  The following are simply the qualities I saw
and admired in him and will differ from others’ view points I’m sure.

To me, your dad was first
and foremost, charming.  A soft-spoken
gentleman who could win over anyone.  From
inner city kids to English aristocracy.  Believe
me, I saw him do it!

Your dad was an
observer.  Always watching and taking in
a room.  He was never loud or flashy.  He never demanded attention, but often, when
he wanted, became the centre of it.  

Beau always had a long term
plan.  Back when, for the rest of us,
long term planning meant knowing where we were going for lunch, your dad seemed
to have a much greater sense of where he was going in life and what he needed
to do to get there.  He was a far deeper
thinker than most.

He was his own man.  I don’t think he really cared what other
people thought of him.  He didn’t seek to
impress.  He didn’t change who he was to
fit in.  I was always amazed how he stuck
to his guns about not drinking alcohol. 
I don’t think I had the confidence to not drink.  Your dad did.

Your dad was fun.  He liked to laugh.  He liked to joke.  And he was mischievous (in a good way).  I’m sure you’ll hear a lot about ‘the twinkle
in his eye’.  It’s true!  There really was a twinkle in his eye.  I’m not kidding.  Like a character in a Disney movie.  

But the main reason I’m
writing to you is to let you know that your dad saved my life.  

Several times.  

He never knew he saved my
life.  He wasn’t even there when he
did.  But, I’m pretty sure something I
learned from him has helped to keep me alive. 
And this is – to me - the unique quality of your father that I’ve never
seen in anyone else...

He never escalated an
argument.

He might have started
them.  He was certainly involved in
them.  But he never escalated an
argument. In the heat of a disagreement – when your
blood is boiling and the other person is clearly wrong - it’s hard not to get
angry, raise the stakes, get personal, throw out insults, stand your ground,
stick your chest out and get in the other person’s face.

Beau never did.  

The moment things got
fraught – and I definitely had some scrapes with him - he’d put his arm around
the other person, take the blame, apologise, offer to buy them a drink, ask why
they’re upset, ask what he can do to help, change the subject and generally do
whatever was necessary to suck the tension out of the situation.  And actually win the other person over.  And it worked!  Over and over again.

And that lesson, I’m sure,
has helped me survive over the years. 
When a situation gets heated – and would probably end with someone tearing
my head off – I think of your dad, try to control my urge to insult my opponent
and then... apologise, take the blame, buy them a drink, change the subject, ask why they're upset,
etc.

I’ve never seen anyone else
so beautifully – and consistently – calm down situations like Beau Biden.

I always hoped he’d one day
be president.  Not just because I’d like
to have a friend who was president, but because, in my opinion, the greatest
attribute we could have in a president is the ability to calm a tense situation.  Wouldn’t that be nice!

Natalie and Hunter, your
dad was a great guy.  And much
loved.  And will be sorely missed by a
lot of people.  He lives on in both of
you.  I hope this letter is one small
piece of the puzzle helping create for you a 360 degree picture of your father.

With much love 

Tad Safran