Subject: The Brief, powered by Boeing: Jean-Claude est mort
From: EurActiv <[email-masked]>
To: [email-masked]
Date: Fri, 3 Mar 2017 16:06:07 +0000

The Brief, powered by Boeing: Jean-Claude est mort      subscribe
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    <http://eurac.tv/6WtF?sid=33541>    Today's EU policy news,
03.03.2017, 5PM

       = Jean-Claude est mort =

      === By  James Crisp <http://eurac.tv/6WtC?sid=33541> ===

 There’s something fishy going on in Brussels. Jean-Claude is dead.

 EU institutions plunged into mourning as it emerged he had shuffled off
this mortal Koi-l. We’re sorry to carp on but the loss has bowled us all
over.

 The first tributes came from Luxembourg, as one would expect.  “He
lived his life in full transparency,” one official tweeted.

 A European Commission spokeswoman gravely intoned, “It is with deep
sadness that we have learnt about the passing of Jean-Claude.
May cod bless him*."*

 A spokesman added, “We hope the person responsible will be found
gill-ty.”

 It’s time the scales fell from your eyes. We are not talking about
Jean-Claude Juncker, the president of the European Commission, but
Jean-Claude, the  European Council goldfish
<http://eurac.tv/6Wte?sid=33541>.

 Sorry to reel you in. Did you fall for it, hook, line and sinker?

 Jean-Claude was a present to the Council press team from the staff at the
Luxembourg presidency of the EU, which ended on 31 December 2015.

 Everything was going swimmingly, until a few weeks ago. Jean-Claude, who
lived in the office at the centre of European power-politics, died.

 His passing was marked with a short, tearful ceremony, proving that not
all EU officials are cold fish.

 Quo Vadis goldfish? He’s gone to a better plaice. Sources, though, were
tight-lipped about the method used to dispose of the body.

 Wat-er shame, but the truth will be flushed out sooner or later.

 First Brexit and now this! Jean-Claude’s demise may have been suppressed
in the greater interests of the European project. But Brussels is like a
goldfish bowl, nothing stays secret for long.

 Expect more tributes to flood in over the weekend from the likes of Jyrki
Katainfin, Nicola Sturgeon, Margaritfish Schinas and Fishtalina Georgieva.

 RIP Jean-Claude. You will never be forgotten.  At least not for the  next
three seconds <http://eurac.tv/6Wtf?sid=33541>.

 *Fin.*

 *A big hat-tip to Danny Kemp for breaking the news to us gently.*

      == The Roundup ==

 Don’t miss Matthew Tempest’s  thought-provoking video interview
<http://eurac.tv/6Wtg?sid=33541> with Dan Hannan MEP. “Never in my worst
nightmares have I ever though that the European Union was going to take
away our passports, throw us into gulags or torture us,” the prominent
Brexit campaigner said.

 Andrus Ansip has warned that taxing robots  would be unwise
<http://eurac.tv/6Wth?sid=33541>. He’s right, the last thing we need is
robots turning against us and taking over. The Commission published a
ranking  of how digital <http://eurac.tv/6Wti?sid=33541> EU countries are.
Denmark is top, Romania is last.

 Why does the European Parliament need its own private  armed response unit
<http://eurac.tv/6Wtj?sid=33541>, when the other EU institutions manage
with security companies like G4S?

 Mario Monti has blamed the EU’s economic crisis on  France and Germany
<http://eurac.tv/6Wtk?sid=33541>, which ignored budget rules in 2003. The
French Prime Minister is offering Athens support in the  Greek bailout
talks <http://eurac.tv/6Wtl?sid=33541>.

 Emmanuel Macron has  backed “multi-speed Europe
<http://eurac.tv/6Wtm?sid=33541>”, one of the scenarios set forward in
this week’s White Paper on the future of the EU-27.  Fillon’s spokesman
quit <http://eurac.tv/6Wtn?sid=33541> today.

 1,200 people in Europe  will die early <http://eurac.tv/6Wto?sid=33541>
because of the Dieselgate scandal, a study has warned.

 Brexit could stop teams like the mighty Manchester City from buying stars 
like Lionel Messi <http://eurac.tv/6Wtp?sid=33541>. This is probably the
worst thing about Brexit. Theresa May has accused Scottish nationalists of
treating politics  like a game. <http://eurac.tv/6Wtq?sid=33541>

 Counting is underway in Northern Ireland’s snap election with turnout
numbers high and results  expected later tonight
<http://eurac.tv/6Wtr?sid=33541>.

 The She Decides movement to counter Donald Trump’s ‘gag rule’  is
building momentum <http://eurac.tv/6Wts?sid=33541>.

 The Commission has launched a consultation on the  protection of
whistleblowers <http://eurac.tv/6Wtu?sid=33541>.

 Denis MacShane writes about Federica Mogherini’s  toughest challenge yet
<http://eurac.tv/6Wtv?sid=33541>.

 New Budget Commissioner Günther Oettinger dropped by to have a chat with
his staff in the human resources department today. They didn’t exactly
look thrilled  to see him <http://eurac.tv/6Wtw?sid=33541>…

 Anyone else wish they hadn’t left it to the last minute to pick up their
new accreditation badge?

      == Look out for… ==

 French, German, Spanish and Italian leaders will meet in Versailles on
Monday to discuss the future of the EU post-Brexit.

 *Views are the author's and not our sponsor's.*

      *This Brief is powered by Boeing <http://eurac.tv/6WvI?sid=33541>*.
We continue to innovate for our environment: Flying toward a cleaner future
<http://eurac.tv/6WvJ?sid=33541>.*

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