Subject: Re: REVISED DRAFT: tonight's dinner in MN
From: Alexandra Fetissoff <[email-masked]>
To: Corey Ciorciari <[email-masked]>
Cc: Megan Rooney <[email-masked]>, Scott Hogan <[email-masked]>, Speech Drafts <[email-masked]>, Speech Book <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 12 Feb 2016 13:41:38 -0600
List-Id: <speechdrafts.hillaryclinton.com>

3 things:
  -I'd add ALL into this sentence in the 3rd graph, so it doesn't just look
like Al and Amy are friends: They’re ALL great friends and even better
public servants.
  -I don't know how that Jamar Clark line is going to play out. I am happy
to speak with someone on the phone about it.
  -Earlier this week Gov Dayton released a proposal for paid parental leave
and HRC put out a statement supporting it (see below) would be a good nod
to the Governor and give her a local issue to talk about that relates back
to her platform.

"Paid leave is crucial for families and critical to our economic success.
Governor Mark Dayton’s paid parental leave proposal is a progressive step
forward and we need more leadership like it across the country. As
President, I will work to achieve paid family and medical leave in America
so families are no longer forced to choose between a paycheck and caring
for a loved one, be it a new baby or sick parent. Policies like the one I
have proposed will help families balance the demands of work and family,
and help strengthen our economy."

On Fri, Feb 12, 2016 at 1:25 PM, Corey Ciorciari <
[email-masked]> wrote:

> Re today's announcement, would change this:
>
> "We need to create more jobs for young people, because being out of work
> at the start of your career can have lifelong repercussions – and today I
> shared my plan to create jobs for more than 36,000 unemployed young people
> here in Minnesota."
>
> To this:
>
> "We need to create more jobs for young people, because being out of work
> at the start of your career can have lifelong repercussions – and today I
> shared my plan *that could help* create jobs for *the more than* 36,000
> unemployed young people here in Minnesota."
>
>
>
> On Fri, Feb 12, 2016 at 2:01 PM, Megan Rooney <[email-masked]>
> wrote:
>
>> Latest attached.
>>
>> On Fri, Feb 12, 2016 at 2:00 PM, Alexandra Fetissoff <
>> [email-masked]> wrote:
>>
>>> Can someone attach the draft? Thanks!
>>>
>>> On Fri, Feb 12, 2016 at 12:22 PM, Scott Hogan <[email-masked]
>>> > wrote:
>>>
>>>> + AF
>>>>
>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>>
>>>> > On Feb 12, 2016, at 12:20 PM, Megan Rooney <
>>>> [email-masked]> wrote:
>>>> >
>>>> > Hi all --
>>>> >
>>>> > Here's the latest draft for tonight's dinner.  It includes edits from
>>>> Mandy, some reordering by Jake, and more local color.  This is with the
>>>> Secretary now and she's cautioned us against making this longer, so if you
>>>> have additional edits, please keep that in mind.
>>>> >
>>>> > Thanks!
>>>> > <2016-02-12 MN democratic party dinner 115pm.docx>
>>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> --
>>> Alexandra Fogolin Fetissoff
>>> 908-456-7070
>>>
>>
>>
>
>
> --
> Corey Ciorciari
> Policy Department
> Hillary for America
> @CoreyCiorciari
>
> On Fri, Feb 12, 2016 at 2:01 PM, Megan Rooney <[email-masked]>
> wrote:
>
>> Latest attached.
>>
>> On Fri, Feb 12, 2016 at 2:00 PM, Alexandra Fetissoff <
>> [email-masked]> wrote:
>>
>>> Can someone attach the draft? Thanks!
>>>
>>> On Fri, Feb 12, 2016 at 12:22 PM, Scott Hogan <[email-masked]
>>> > wrote:
>>>
>>>> + AF
>>>>
>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>>
>>>> > On Feb 12, 2016, at 12:20 PM, Megan Rooney <
>>>> [email-masked]> wrote:
>>>> >
>>>> > Hi all --
>>>> >
>>>> > Here's the latest draft for tonight's dinner.  It includes edits from
>>>> Mandy, some reordering by Jake, and more local color.  This is with the
>>>> Secretary now and she's cautioned us against making this longer, so if you
>>>> have additional edits, please keep that in mind.
>>>> >
>>>> > Thanks!
>>>> > <2016-02-12 MN democratic party dinner 115pm.docx>
>>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> --
>>> Alexandra Fogolin Fetissoff
>>> 908-456-7070
>>>
>>
>>
>
>
> --
> Corey Ciorciari
> Policy Department
> Hillary for America
> @CoreyCiorciari
>

-- 
Alexandra Fogolin Fetissoff
908-456-7070