Subject: Re: Launch Draft 6.4.15
From: Dan Schwerin <[email-masked]>
To: Lissa Muscatine <[email-masked]>, Jon Favreau <[email-masked]>
Cc: John Podesta <[email-masked]>, Robby Mook <[email-masked]>, Jennifer Palmieri <[email-masked]>, Jim <[email-masked]>, Mandy Grunwald <[email-masked]>, Joel Benenson <[email-masked]>, Jake Sullivan <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 5 Jun 2015 00:33:40 -0400

Lissa & Jon, this is great, thanks so much.  Tremendous work.  I love how
quickly and elegantly this draft moves, and how you've managed to work in
"your time" in a way that establishes urgency without feeling clunky.
There's a lot of great stuff in the policy section as well, which nicely
builds on what I sent you over the weekend.

I've attached a number of edits, notes and questions that also reflect some
of Jen's thoughts. We've also shared this with HRC so she can start working
on it as well.

These edits are very rough because I didn't have much time with the draft,
but you'll see that the biggest change concerns how we deal with Dorothy.
There's been a lot of talk here over the past week about elevating her
story to better illuminate HRC's motivation. We want that to be one of the
big take aways of the speech.

Take a look and see what you think.  I hope the whole group will send
thoughts and specific suggestions.

Thanks again to everyone who's putting so much time and effort into getting
this done.
Dan

On Thu, Jun 4, 2015 at 6:43 PM, Lissa Muscatine <[email-masked]>
wrote:

> All,
>
> Our draft is attached. We think it covers the points discussed on the call
> today. It's obviously still rough in places but it should give you an idea
> of the structure and rationale.
>
> Thanks,
>
> Lissa and Jon
>