Subject: Revised Speech Draft
From: Dan Schwerin <[email-masked]>
To: Joel Benenson <[email-masked]>, Jim Margolis <[email-masked]>, Mandy Grunwald <[email-masked]>, "Jennifer Palmieri ([email-masked])" <[email-masked]>, "John Podesta ([email-masked])" <[email-masked]>, Robby Mook - HRC <[email-masked]>, "Kristina Schake ([email-masked])" <[email-masked]>, "Jake Sullivan ([email-masked])" <[email-masked]>
Cc: Huma Abedin <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 7 Jun 2015 17:17:06 -0400

Thanks to everyone for sending great thoughts and suggestions over the
weekend. It was very helpful. As I said on the call on Friday, from my
perspective more feedback is always better than less and it helps drive an
iterative, collaborative process.  In addition to our discussion as a group
and the notes I received via email, I was also able to check in with HRC
and ratify two core concepts for this speech:

1) She's comfortable with the key theme being “I believe that if we can
unlock the full potential of every American, we can unlock the full
potential of America itself.”  This aims to capture what she's spent her
career fighting for and what she's trying to do in this campaign.  It links
the concerns of individuals and families with the cause of the nation.
2) She agrees her mother should be a central character in this story,
inspiring her to see the potential in every person and to keep fighting
even when the going gets tough.

Based on all this, I've revised the Jon/Lissa draft and the new version is
attached.  Most of the edits are geared toward elevating these two
concepts.  I'd draw your attention to a new addition about Dorothy living
with HRC and serving as a motivating force not just in childhood but
throughout her life. You'll also see the white hair joke. And "It's your
potential. It's your country. It's your time."

I look forward to discussing all this tonight and then I'd love to get a
draft to HRC in the morning.
Thanks
Dan