Subject: Re: Revised Speech Draft
From: Dan Schwerin <[email-masked]>
To: Joel Benenson <[email-masked]>, Jim Margolis <[email-masked]>, Mandy Grunwald <[email-masked]>, "Jennifer Palmieri ([email-masked])" <[email-masked]>, "John Podesta ([email-masked])" <[email-masked]>, Robby Mook - HRC <[email-masked]>, "Kristina Schake ([email-masked])" <[email-masked]>, "Jake Sullivan ([email-masked])" <[email-masked]>
Cc: Huma Abedin <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 8 Jun 2015 14:58:37 -0400

Team, sorry this is coming so soon before our call, but here's a new draft.
I've tried to reflect our discussion last night plus input from HRC this
morning that we can discuss when we talk.  It's rough but hopefully we're
getting in the right ballpark.

Dan

On Sun, Jun 7, 2015 at 5:17 PM, Dan Schwerin <[email-masked]>
wrote:

> Thanks to everyone for sending great thoughts and suggestions over the
> weekend. It was very helpful. As I said on the call on Friday, from my
> perspective more feedback is always better than less and it helps drive an
> iterative, collaborative process.  In addition to our discussion as a group
> and the notes I received via email, I was also able to check in with HRC
> and ratify two core concepts for this speech:
>
> 1) She's comfortable with the key theme being “I believe that if we can
> unlock the full potential of every American, we can unlock the full
> potential of America itself.”  This aims to capture what she's spent her
> career fighting for and what she's trying to do in this campaign.  It links
> the concerns of individuals and families with the cause of the nation.
> 2) She agrees her mother should be a central character in this story,
> inspiring her to see the potential in every person and to keep fighting
> even when the going gets tough.
>
> Based on all this, I've revised the Jon/Lissa draft and the new version is
> attached.  Most of the edits are geared toward elevating these two
> concepts.  I'd draw your attention to a new addition about Dorothy living
> with HRC and serving as a motivating force not just in childhood but
> throughout her life. You'll also see the white hair joke. And "It's your
> potential. It's your country. It's your time."
>
> I look forward to discussing all this tonight and then I'd love to get a
> draft to HRC in the morning.
> Thanks
> Dan
>
>