Subject: Re: New Draft
From: Dan Schwerin <[email-masked]>
To: Mandy Grunwald <[email-masked]>
Cc: David Binder <[email-masked]>, John Anzalone <[email-masked]>, Joel Benenson <[email-masked]>, Jim <[email-masked]>, Jennifer Palmieri <[email-masked]>, Kristina Schake <[email-masked]>, Robby Mook <[email-masked]>, Huma Abedin <[email-masked]>, Lissa Muscatine <[email-masked]>, John Podesta <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 11 Jun 2015 00:11:44 -0400

Mandy, thanks for the note and I'm sorry you didn't like this version as
much as the last. HRC asked me to collect and share reactions in the
morning so will be helpful to go over specific suggestions with you.
Dan

On Wed, Jun 10, 2015 at 11:31 PM, Mandy Grunwald <[email-masked]> wrote:

> I think this has taken a bit of a step backward.  Yesterday's draft seemed
> tighter.  I know you need to make significant edits for time, so I'm not
> going to track changes.  A few areas to look at edits/cuts:
>
>  --Feels like we now have way too much FDR
> --The Republican section feels weaker not stronger.  It doesn't do the
> humor she was looking for and it doesn't quite have the moral indictment
> either.
> --The section after her mother's story but before the four fights feels
> redundant and a bit flabby -- I think we can tighten there
> --There are some detours in the policy section -- coal! -- that break the
> rhythm and seem odd to devote so much time to.  Overall, this section
> is really long now.
>
>  I'll be at HQ in the morning and happy to get into more specifics and
> help edit/rewrite.
>
>  thx
>
>  mandy
>
> *Mandy Grunwald*
> *Grunwald Communications*
> *202 973-9400 <202%20973-9400>*
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Dan Schwerin <[email-masked]>
> To: David Binder <[email-masked]>; John Anzalone <
> [email-masked]>; Joel Benenson <[email-masked]>; Jim <
> [email-masked]>; Mandy Grunwald <[email-masked]>; Jennifer
> Palmieri <[email-masked]>; Kristina Schake <
> [email-masked]>; Robby Mook <[email-masked]>; Huma
> Abedin <[email-masked]>; Lissa Muscatine <[email-masked]>;
> John Podesta <[email-masked]>
> Sent: Wed, Jun 10, 2015 6:09 pm
> Subject: New Draft
>
>  Team, the Secretary asked me to share this latest draft with all of you
> and said that she'd love thoughts overnight.
>
>  This version reflects our conversation yesterday and a big thanks to
> Mandy for sending additional suggestions on how to beef up the policy
> section.
>
>  One thing to keep in mind as you read is that it would be great to find
> places to cut.
>
>  Thanks
>  Dan
>