Subject: [big campaign] "McCain's Answer to Nation's Economic Woes"
From: "David S. Bennahum" <[email-masked]>
To: Big Campaign <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 22 Aug 2008 18:09:43 -0400
List-Id: <bigcampaign.googlegroups.com>

Just because it's friday:

http://www.washingtonindependent.com/view/mccains-answer-to
McCain's Answer to Nation's Economic Woes
GOP Hopeful Suggests Powerball Lottery, Drilling

By Bruce McCall 08/20/2008

Sen. John McCain, the presumed Republican presidential nominee, spoke  
from the heart today in setting forth his economic views and policies  
for a financially troubled America.

"I know what it's like to have to take a loan from your wife's trust  
fund, just to pay the surcharge on aviation fuel to fly the family  
Gulfstream IV to your weekend cabin," McCain said, voice trembling.  
"I'm as concerned as all my fellow Americans about making sure all my  
horses have enough to eat. I personally know the humiliation of having  
to ask the wife not once, not twice, but three times this year for a  
raise in my allowance."

Moving on to economic specifics, the Arizona senator announced a  
Housing Crisis Rescue Package, a broadly based program that would  
reduce the number of houses in America while, at the same time,  
deporting millions more people to Mexico. "With both fewer houses and  
fewer people," he explained, "the surpluses would dry up, demand would  
revive, prices would soar again. Problem solved.

"As for the menace of inflation," he continued, "I learned a long time  
ago at Annapolis that the opposite of inflation is deflation. So to  
prevent runaway inflation we must immediately begin deflating  
everything possible, and right now: tires, basketballs, party  
balloons, blimps. Enough stuff deflated and inflation won't have a  
chance."

McCain returned to the personal in his closing remarks. "My heart," he  
said, "goes out to all those Americans who have maxed out their  
American Express platinum cards trying to keep their favorite five- 
star restaurants from going under."

The senator also demonstrated his ability to stay on point. "You  
know," he said, "just this morning, a man I think is one of my  
gardeners said to me, 'Excellency, why do so many people in this  
wonderful land of plenty feel so sad, when anybody can win the  
Powerball Lottery and be rich like you?'

"What I told that man was, as usual, straight talk: 'Unless we keep  
drilling for oil, exploring for oil, importing oil, strengthening the  
Oil Depletion Allowance while gutting environmental laws, I won't be  
rich like me for long.' Or I think I said something like that. You get  
the general idea."

***

---Bruce McCall, a humorist, is a regular contributor to The New  
Yorker and Vanity Fair. He is the author of "All Meat Looks Like South  
America: The World of Bruce McCall" and "Zany Afternoons."---

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